


Aw, Sugar

by prettyinwentz



Series: Frerard Oneshots [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-10 23:57:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7013863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyinwentz/pseuds/prettyinwentz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Frank's depression decides to be a bitch and Gerard tries to comfort him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aw, Sugar

 

Depression is horrible and absolutely terrifying - it's _undescribable_. Frank knows this because a few years back, depression crept up on him and fucking _destroyed_ him. Frank never understood _why_ he was so _depressed_ _._ He always felt guilty and _ungrateful_ _._ As a teenager he was constantly reminded that _others_ _have_ _it_ _worse_ _than_ _him_ or _this_ _is_ _not_ _real_ _,_ _it's_ _all_ _in_ _your_ _mind_ _._

His parents took no notice of their teenage son falling apart more and more everyday until that one _horrible_ moment, which involved a bathtub, an empty bottle of pills and an unconscious Frank with vomit dribbling down his chin.

Frank remembers the look of disappointment in his mother's eyes when he woke up in the hospital. His father didn't say a word to him for _weeks_ _._

That quite unfaithful day, little sixteen year old Frank was _done_ _._ Done with life, school, oblivious parents, friends who _pretended_ to care and dealing with this stupid depression he was cursed with.

Frank hated himself - no, scratch that, he _loathed_ himself with every fiber of his being (and he still does to this day). But on that day in particular the self-loathing was suffocating. Frank felt as if he had the weight of the _universe_ on his shoulders. And that's how his parents came to realise that their son was suffering. Frank was grateful but angry at the same time. The only thing Frank hated was the fact he was _forced_ to see a psychologist which meant, _opening_ _up_ _and_ _talking_ _about_ _feelings_ and motherfucking _antidepressants_ _._

Frank hated those stupid white pills with a _passion_ _._ He hated them so much. He always felt slightly less _human_ when he took them. And the sad fact was that they _worked_ on and off - like he'd be going three weeks straight feeling as if he's on top of the world and then the next week he'd feel like utter and complete _hell_ _._

And now to this day, Frank, who is alive and physically healthy. His mental stability, was somewhat okay - for a twenty one year old, who still took those _irking_ pills. He still had days where he would have horrible depressive episodes - which made him shut down for days, sometimes even _weeks_ _._ The only person who _actually_ puts up with Frank and his episodes was his boyfriend, Gerard.

And today, Frank felt like curling into a ball and locking himself in the bedroom until he dies and maggots make a home out his decaying body. Frank was _drowning_ in a sea of self-destructive and self-loathing thoughts. _What's_ _the_ _point_ _of_ _life_ _anyway_ _?_ _We_ _all_ _die_ _anyways_ _,_ Frank thought bitterly.

His boyfriend, Gerard, was already awake and Frank could faintly hear his humming from the kitchen. If Frank had the energy and motivation to smile, he would've. He didn't want to tell Gerard, that today was one of those days. Frank was afraid - no, fucking _terrified_ of Gerard getting fed up with his bullshit and would leave him. Just the thought of Gerard leaving him made Frank's stomach twist into uncomfortable knots and made his heart break into a billion tiny pieces because Frank _loves_ Gerard more than he loves _himself_ _._

Frank curled into a tight ball and pulled the covers over his head, trying to shut away the world so he could quietly wish death upon himself. He hopes to die in some horrid accident so _he_ wouldn't have to do all the work.

Frank wonders why Gerard even puts up with him - he wasn't anything special, Frank feels as if he's holding back Gerard from living his life the way he wants to. An overwhelming feeling of guilt washed over Frank as his brain kicked into overdrive with dreadful thoughts of the fact that _he's_ the reason why Gerard couldn't have a _normal_ life and not worry about him - a pathetic twenty one year old who can't seem to get his shit together. He sighs shakily and hears the door open.

“Are you awake as yet Frankie? I made us breakfast,” Gerard says, sounding proud of himself, “it's totally fine if you want to eat in bed - I have no problem once I get to join.”

Frank nods weakly, not removing the covers from his head, “sounds nice, I'd like that.”

“Okay, babe, just give me a second, I'll get the food,” Gerard said and with that he left the room.

Frank sighed and pushed the covers off his body and stretched. Frank loves it when Gerard cooks, he loves everything about Gerard. He's Frank's rock, keeping him alive and most importantly _happy_ _._ Life without Gerard seemed unimaginable for Frank.

 _It's_ _all_ _my_ _fault_ _,_ _I'm_ _the_ _one_ _holding_ _Gerard_ _back_ _from_ _living_ _his_ _life_ _,_ Frank thought sadly to himself. He felt his lungs restricting any air from entering and the guilt was eating him alive. _It's_ _my_ _fault_ _._ _It's_ _my_ _fault_ _._ _It's_ _my_ _fault_ _,_ he thought repeatedly. Frank feels as if he doesn't even deserve someone as patient and caring as Gerard. He's too good for Frank and that what breaks Frank's heart even more. _What_ _if_ _I'm_ _not_ _good_ _enough_ _for_ _him_ _?_ _What_ _if_ _he_ _actually_ _despises_ _me_ _?_ Frank's thoughts got out of control, he didn't realised Gerard was back in the bedroom.

“Frankie? What's wrong?” Gerard asked softly.

Frank snaps out of his daze, slightly petrified, “Y-yeah, I'm _fine,_ G, don't worry.”

“Sugar, you're _crying_ ,” he states, sitting down next to the smaller man and pulling him in for a bone crushing hug. Frank didn't even _realise_ he was crying until he begins crying more, clinging onto Gerard as if he was his only means of survival.

“Frank, honey, what's wrong?” Gerard asks again.

“I-I don't deserve you, Gerard,” Frank whispered quietly to himself but Gerard heard.

And Gerard's heart broke. He hated when Frank feels like he isn't good enough. Gerard loves Frank with every fiber of his being. Gerard loves Frank so very much. Everything about Frank brings an overwhelming sense of pride and joy to Gerard.

To Gerard - Frank was the most adorable, kind and understanding person. He has a smile that can cure cancer and the cutest giggle ever. And it makes Gerard _physically_ ill to think that Frank absolutely loathes himself. Gerard knows he can't force Frank to see himself the way he sees him but Gerard tries his best with him. No matter how bad Frank feels, he will be right next to him and he'll never ever _ever_ leave him.

Gerard cups Frank's cheeks with his hands and force him to look up, “Frankie, you deserve the _entire_ universe.”

Frank sniffled, “Why do you even put up with me, G?”

Gerard felt his heart _ache_ because _fuck_ , Frank looks so distraught and Gerard just wants to hold him close and never let go.

“Frank, _listen_ _to_ _me_ _,_ I fucking _love_ you to bits, okay? I love you so much,” Gerard said. He caresses Frank's cheek with his hand.

“I _know_ _,_ Gerard. But I feel as if I'm holding you back from _living_ your life, like I feel that I'm not good enough for you,” Frank said quietly and closed his eyes, letting his tears fall freely.

And if it was possible for Gerard's heart to break even more - it would be shattered into trillions of little tiny pieces.

“Sugar, look at me,” Gerard said, Frank opens his eyes and stares back at him and Gerard wipes some of Frank's tears with his thumb, “You are _not_ holding back my life, _okay_ _?_ And you _are_ good enough for me - hell, you're fucking amazing. But I will not _force_ you into accepting that, but I just want you to hear it. I love you so much, Frank.”

Gerard wipes away more Frank's tears and kisses his cheek, “I love you.”

Frank let out a shaky breath, “I-I love you too, G. More than _anything_ _._ Thank you for putting up with me.”

“You don't have to thank me for that - I'd do _anything_ _,_ for you sugar,” Gerard said with a small smile.

Frank kisses Gerard's shoulder and murmurs a quiet ‘I love you.’

After the couple ate their breakfast - to which Gerard _feeds_ Frank his breakfast due to the lack of cooperation from his body. They spent the rest of the day cuddling and occasionally spooning, leaving soft kisses on each other necks and whispers of sweet nothings.

Frank may not get better so easily but Gerard will be more than grateful to be there every step of the way, with the biggest, most encouraging smile on his face and both men couldn't have it any better.

 _Fin_ _._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it!  
> Feel free to comment :)


End file.
